I was drawn to your question because it raises many issues that I have wrestled with and pondered. I am not bipolar, but I "know", (speaking as one who empathizes with people with the disorder), Manic-Depression creates chaos and havoc in a person’s life. One feels that you are not in control of your own mind, a very frightening emotional place to be.

Also, I am not a shy person, but I have worked with shy people, and respect the fact that it is a temperment, that is to say, an inborn trait. Terry Brazelton, the great pediatrician at Havard Medical School thinks that temperment is evident from birth.

Neither Manic-Depression nor shyness has to be a handicap, although bipolar illness is stigmatized, even by mental health professionals, who should know better. Manic-Depression, if not, addressed will rob you of a lot of healthy, satisfying experiences, and love is certainly one of the most imortant experiences we all can have. That I can say personally. However, I emphasize, "if not addressed". There is no reason not to be hopeful about your potential prospects for being loved, falling in love, or simply loving. I am not talking about love as a manic state, which can be hard to distinguish from "falling in love," a state of mind where one (rightly) feels, great, on top of the world, in a kind of ecstatsy over the lucky object of your affections, (hopefully, it is mutaul). The test that distinguishes love from a pathological elavated state (mania, or hypomania) is that lovers, as a rule do not harm themselves, or others. Lovers, as the poets know, while in love, find this world to be a wonderful place. A lover may buy an expense gift to express his/her deep joy for his/her partner, but he/she will not go on a shopping binge with no other object than to get a thrill from purchasing things, (often needless purchaces).

Now, your fear that no one will love you is groundless. I am sure you are loveable, and capable of love. There is no mental disorder that robs us of the capacity to love another. None. There is no reason to believe that you will "never" be loved. I bet there is some wonderful person out there waiting for you, and will bath you in love and affection, and attention. The problem for people like yourself is not finding a great partner, It is holding on to one’s partner. I mean once the realtionship starts the ups and downs that normally happen in a relationships are exaggerated by one’s mood fluctuations. Your partner becomes puzzled, then confused, then frustrated, and finally exasperated in his/her efforts to please, sooth, and calm down the partner with moods fluctuations.

Hence, address your mood fluctuations. Address your self harming tendencies. It is frightening for another person to witness the person you love cutting his or herself, (or worse).

Don’t underestimate yourself. Whether shy, or slightly kooky, you may be a great package for someone, even someone you know. Drop the "I am undeserving" conviction. It doesn’i help at all.

And finally, yes. Plently of people share your challenges, and have great lives, and wonderful partners, and are loved.
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